Santità Moderna

Stamattina ho squillato alla porta. Nessuno ha risposto, perchè una specie di corrida c’era all’interno. Riconoscevo lei, detta la Cicciona, che stava dando del “bidone dell’immondizie vivente” a lui e lui le assicurava che è stata una vitella durante l’infanzia.

Lei ha replicato che è il falegname più cornuto d’Italia, nonché d’Europa (la seconda parte di questa affermazione trova fondamento nell’illegittima relazione che la madama avrebbe intrattenuto con un vigile francese).

Io piazzavo i dodicesimi e tredicesimi squilli, più modulati e prolungati che potevo.

“Hanno suonato!”, ha detto lui.

“Che fine segugio!”, lei.

Le dice di andare ad aprire, ma lei che non è stata educata dalle suore ha detto: “Vaffanculo!”

“Ma vacci ad aprire che ‘sto in mutande!”

“E con ciò?”

Lui: “Deve essere la dottoressa Salvotti, non farmela aspettare in piedi!”

Allora lei: “Così cresce!”

“Ti prego..!”

“Mi rompe i coglioni, se proprio vuoi saperlo con le sue arie superiori e il suo modo di prendere la faccia della gente per un sedere!”

“Se è la tua che prende per un sedere, la capisco! Sembri un clistere!”

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